DUTERTE’S a joke….93

Harriet Roque died and he found himself at the gates of hell. The devil told him to go back and redeem his soul first from Sen Trillanes Rose Rivera and Barbi Gutierrez. “Taksil ka Harry!” the devil said.

Dili ka man TAMBAY kung:

Security Guard ka maliban kung tulog ka;
Fratman maliban kung taga University Belt ka;
Barker at nakapila sa sakayan ng jeep bus at van;
Ikaw si Efren Peñaflorida;
NPA ka o No Permanent Address;
Taga SBMA ka at hindi Sa Bahay Muna Ako;
Driver ng van sa Terminal maliban kung colorum ka;
Customer ka sa Jollijeep sa Valero;
Welgista ka tulad ng Piston at Pasang Masda;
MMDA at Yellow Boys ni Binay;
Nangangalakal at Mangangalakal;
Tindero sa bangketa;
Pulis sa presinto…maliban kung tulog

TAMBAY ka kung:

Emperador ang toma mo;
Fishball ang ALTANGHAP mo;
Hinihintay mo Cobrador ng Jueteng;
Rerilyebo ka sa Padyak;
Inaway ka ng kabit o kinakasama mo;
Gusto mo tapusin tattoo mo sa kuyukut;
Arbor ka ng Mighty kahit isa stick
Gusto mo maging Tanod;
Mainit sa bahay mo dahil pinutol ng Meralco ilaw mo;
Pinatutuyo mo ang peborit mong sando;
Di ka nakapanood ng latest episode ni Cardo kaya makikinig ka na lang sa kwento ni Mang Tino;
Makikikanta ka sa Karaoke sa tindahan;
Gusto mo makita ang crush mo bagong lipat;
Nakasakay ka sa Mobile….

Roilo Golez was refused entry at the Golden Gates because St Peter wants “to get the PCOO records straight…. Rogelio”

They murdered DRUG ADDICTS and I didnt speak because I am no drug addict

They murdered CRIMINALS and I didnt speak because I am no criminal

They murdered LEFTISTS and I didnt speak because I am no leftist

They murdered CATHOLIC PRIESTS and I didnt speak becausr I am no priest

They murdered NORWEGIANS and I didnt speak because I am not from NORWEGIA….(paraphrasing Martin Niemöller)

West PH Sea? Surrender ISDA only way

Because the Dept of National Defense failed to stop the China annexation of our Exclusive Economic Zone and the AFP/PNP failed to protect our fishermen from Chinese piracy in Bajo de Masinloc, SolGen Calida offers his Vigilant Security Agency to do the job.

Rody was finally tried by ICC and sentenced to life imprisonment for ordering the killing of thousands in his infamous War on Drugs.

He died in prison. His Cabinet retrieved his body and interred in Davao. On the third day, Rody arose from the dead.

The ICC tried him again….for faking his death.

Cholesterol levels of the Zambales populace shoot up as they indulge in pork for lack of fish in the local markets

After being tried by the ICC for Crimes against Humanity, Rody was finally sentenced to reclusion perpetua. The Famous Barnacle Bong Go left Davao and settled in Ongpin, resigned from the Senate, and finally changed his name to Tom Gu. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the biblical DENIAL before the ‘cock crows thrice’.

Ronnie Lebios, 42, a fisherman from Infanta town in Pangasinan province told the Inquirer the Chinese would open the boxes where they kept their catch and choose the big fish, at least 15 kilograms worth, “maya-maya” (red snapper) and lapulapu (grouper).

Asked by reporters whether the Chinese soldiers are into inspection of illegal drugs, Harry Roque replied that the Chinese Coast Guard is just teaching our fishermen how to cook ‘shabu-shabu’. ‘Wala binesa SINIGANG natin…” Harry added.

Kris found a magic lamp along the beach of Boracay. By rubbing it a Genie appeared. “3 wishes Madam or I’m gone…” As she’s so fixated with her family, as her first wish, Kris said she wanted Joshua to be ‘a man’. The wish was instantly granted. Joshua turned into a handsome bearded mascular man. Bimby shrieked and told his Mom he lost his ‘Big Sister’. Worried, Kris second wished Bimby to be ‘a real man’. Instantly Bimby turned into another tall mascular man. PNoy, in a surprised visit asked Kris “where’re my favorite nieces?” And that, ladies and gentlemen, made PNoy ‘a tall bearded mascular man’.



After his watch, Rody becomes a fugitive and wanted by the ICC for Crimes against Humanity. European cops were called in to arrest the wanted man. Rody, together with his Cabinet, hied off to to the forests of Mt Apo. As they’ve all grown beards, the EU cops have no clue who among them Rody is. One good looking cop approached Harry Roque and in exchange for freedom agreed to rat on his Boss. Rody was finally brought to justice. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the famous DAVAO KISS.

After the famous Seoul Kiss, Rody intends to visit France and Australia

Butch Abad for a sec thought he was a wizard when he devised the Janet Napoles’ DEVT ACCELERATION PROGRAM. Abad made PNoy spent ?200M-?5OM/senator and ?100M-?30M/congressman in the Corona impeachment. Why take it against Joe Calida in bagging security contracts worth a paltry ?240M when by his legal genius of a simple Quo Warranto petition he saved Rody BILLIONS OF PESOS in congressional bribes?

The DAP bought Congress. The security contracts bought the OSG.

Kapag SNATCHER ka sa Quiapo, Tokhang ka Kapag SNATCHER ka sa Congress, bata ka ni Rody

Steve Jobs, getting wind that Jing Paras is being grilled by Satan, begged St Peter to ask his counterpart if Apple’s iPhone X works in Hell. Asked why Steve said “Marcos, Hitler and Idi Amin are interested.”

Jing Paras died and was seen being interviewed in Hell by its Gatekeeper. “What sin?” St Tan asked Jing who readily replied “I took an iPhone X Boss…” St Tan was curious and he asked the new entrant “why”. Jing answered, “I need it to call Rody to confirm that his favorite place exists.”

Cesar Montano, Wanda Teo, Philip Jurado, Vit Aguirre, Peter Allan Cayetano, and Jacinto Jing Paras died and were seen queuing in Hell. Satan told them he classifies penalties according to the magnitude of the sin for violating the 7th Commandment “No Stealing” saying that contrary to fake news “he observes justice and equity”. Cesar told Satan that he pocketed ?10M only. Satan told his aide to bring Cesar to Chamber A with temperature of 70 degrees Celsius; Wanda said she got ?80M and the OGCC counsel Jurado confessed to ?85M so they were led to Chamber B and Chamber C with temperatures of 100 degrees Celsius and 110 degrees Celsius respectively; Vit Aguirre admitted to ?861M DoJ funds while Allan Peter owned to getting ?1B DFA budget and were allowed in Chambers D and E with temperatures of 900 degrees Celsius and 1100 degrees Celsius, separately. Paras was last and Satan motions to his gofer to ready up Chamber F with 10000 degrees Celsius. “And how much dd you steal USec?” Jing coyly whispered “iPhone X, Master…” Satan was furious shouting, “BRING HIM TO ST PETER!”

When asked how’s he doing as SolGen, Joe Calida said “business is good!”

Mabuti pa panahon ni GMA used chopper ‘di pinaligtas ni FG NGAUN Pati used iPhone X pinapatulan na rin ng mga bata ni Rody

Q-Who owns QUO WARRANTO Security Agency? 
A-CaliDUH! 

Sol Gen Joe Calida: the new Ex-Sol Gen Titong Mendoza. Lucio Tan Lance Gokongwei Ramon Ang and Lucio Co offer hefty retainers once he’s out of office. The taipans are impressed by the batting average of Calida in the SC. “Win, win, win!” the Sol Gen gloats while glancing at the portrait of Frank Chavez at the OSG whose record as FVR ‘s Sol Gen is “unblemished by victory.”

Atty Mans and Fiscal Rody and of course Atty Sara are not amused….

While I was queuing at an S & R counter, a white guy noticed a bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila in my cart. “A friend from San Diego told me that they use Jose Cuervo Tequila in cleaning their toilets…” he said. I replied, “I’m giving this to our President as mouthwash…Why don’t you give one to your President, too?” He returned to the liquor section and bought a dozen.

Basta ladies with no strings attached, kinukulit ni Rody: Berna is biyuda; Risa and Leni, too; Leila, annulled; Patricia Fox, dalaga….

“Panu ba makalusot sa Plunder?” tanung ni Cesar kay Mon. “Easy lang. Pinapirma namin si Ben dahil takot ang CoA kay Erwin. Bibirahin pa sila ni Raffy. Ibahin mo ang Tulfo, pare.” “Thanks pare,” ika ni Cesar, “papipirmahin ko si Wanda Teo!”

On Carinderia Life: “Wala Bidding-bidding. Eh bibili ka ng sibuyas bawang paminta araw-araw, idadaan mo pa ba sa COA?” ika ni Cesar Machete

Now a widow that she is, Loren wants to attend Rody’s cabinet meeting to scout prospective special significant older err other….Sal Panelo has daily facial. Dr Vicky Belo however advised Delfin Lorenzana Art Tugade and Jun Evasco not to do Botox. “Type ni Loren Corduroy…..” the good Derma says

The 16th SC Justice-Joe Calida
The 25th Senator-Gigi Reyes
The de facto Vice President-Bong Go
Why do we always have unofficial or unelected factotum who works while we are asleep?

Ang mga abogado ang ambisyon maging Chief Justice; Ang mga SC Justice ang ambisyon sibakin ang Chief Justice

SC Justices de Castro Tijam Bersamin Jardeleza Martires and Peralta died. St Peter called Satan if he has a resident lawyer to spare. Satan asked why he needs a lawyer. St Peter replied, “it’s for both of our own sake, partner. Your lawyer has to draft an UNDERTAKING that once these Justices reach our respective gates they won’t oust us as gatekeepers via QUO WARRANTO.” Satan replied, “sorry but my best lawyer is closely guarded by his security guards from Valiant Security Agency.”

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