DUTERTE’S a joke…58

“May isang madaling araw na nagkaroon ako ng isang masamang dream. Binisita ako ng demonyo and then dito na-save ako ng may liwanag sa kwarto ko na child-like image na biglang nawala,” SPO3 Arthur Lascañas said.

“Sino ang child-like image na yun?” tanong ni Pacman. “Si Krista po Senador…” sagot ni Art.


“Pwede pa lang mamili, samantalang ako nakalubog ang dalawang paa ko sa impyerno dahil sa pag enforce ng campaign ni Mayor Rody against illegal drugs,” Art Lascañas said.

“Art, wala Langit at Impierno,” Rody reminds Lascañas. “Kaya pala lagi nyang sinasabi yan upang diri kami makonsiensya,” Matobato added.


More corrupt heads will roll, Duterte warns….

“Pati ulong may WIG, pagulungin na rin pls…” pleaded the LP (Leila the Prisoner).


“Emma Watson has revealed that our culture cannot handle a woman who is both “sexual AND serious,” to quote Naomi Wolf.”

Tell that to Rody and the Senate. “Eh anu nga naman kung malibog si Leila? Mahusay naman , magaling at ginagawa ang trabaho” asked one Gabriela. “Eh kung si Rody nga bogli, may nagrereklamo ba?” she added.


Sara Duterte delivered in vitro baby named STONEFISH. She and her husband have two other children, Sharky and Stingray.

SUPERMAN is pleased no end. “Sa Bicol Pating, Pagi, at Isdang Bato ang alias ng mga Drug Lord dun,” Leila told PNoy during his visit at Camp Crime.


Lawyer for Joaquin ‘El Chapo’ Guzman says Mexican prosecutors violated due process when they extradited his client. “That means he is in the United States illegally.”

Good defense.


Namatay daw c Rody at napunta s pinto ng Hell at hinihintay c Satan para ma-interview. Eh tulog c Satan. May gumising n Demoñeto. “Boss, c Rody nasa labas. Naghihintay s u. ” report ng assistant. Nahulog s kama c Boss Satan at napabulalas. “Anu? May kaluluwa pala c Rody!”


“Nakita nyo naman yung sasakyan may tama. Tapos may tama din sya. Kasi ang basehan lang nyo na hindi totoo yung ambush sapagkat hindi nireport sa pulis. Illogical kayo eh [The vehicle was hit, you saw it. She also was wounded. Your only basis that there was no ambush was because it was not reported to the police. You are illogical],” DOJ SEC Aguirre said.

JPE’s Mercedes Benz was a total wreck when he was ambushed in Makati. “Mukhang idol nga ni Rody si Macoy. Pati Fake Ambush ginagaya,” an LP insider observed. “Hindi malayong i-appoint si Enrile sa Dept of National Historical Commission.” he added.


A new study says that men who exercise strenuously tend to have a significantly lower libido than those whose workouts are lighter.

That explains PNoy’s carousel of GFs.


Trillanes to Duterte: Why are your knees “nangangatog”?

“Eh gabi gabi ba namang nakaluhod, sino hindi mangangalog?” askedSalvador Panelo. Mocha interrupts, “oyyy, gusto ko yan. Ano ung kumakalog? Betlog? Opps sori. PG pala usapan….”


Pacquiao coached by ROACH in ousting LP from Senate majority—solons

“Masunurin talaga si Manny. Kahit kay Jinkee…” Buboy Fernandez was heard muttering.


Mukhang may political savvy si Rody. Naguyo LP na ‘wag na mag-object sa confirmation ni Wiguirre as SOJ in exchange of being part of the coalition. Ayon, sinipa rin si Frank and company courtesy of Pacman’s motion. Op kurs magaalburuto ang LP as expected by Rody, db? Magoobject ngaun sa confirmation ni Gina Lopez leading to her deferment and eventual rejection. “Sorry Gina. Ayaw ng LP na DENR Sec ka” ika ni Rody ala Pontius Pilate handing the portfolio to a loyal brod who’d work on the gradual lifting of the closure orders of his predecessor. Linis db? This is part of Rody’s playbook of Herding the Cash Cows: Casino Franchise; Online Games; STL; Mining Industry…etc. No plunder here as Saliva Shares are involved and his and his brods’ retirements are assured.


MANILA, Philippines – Justice Secretary Vitaliano Aguirre II yesterday ordered the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) to probe the reported ambush of Lalaine Madrigal-Martinez, the wife of a drug convict, despite the denial of the Makati police that the incident never happened.

“Style mo Buhok” tweeted PNoy.


Si Rody lang ang SUPERMAN na walang Kryptonite….Klepto marami.

Lawyer Dionisio Cañete had petitioned the Supreme Court to be stripped of the title “attorney” that he said had brought shame because of widespread corruption perpetrated by his brothers in the legal profession. He wants his epitaph to read “Here lies an ex-lawyer and he lies no more…”


MANILA, Philippines – A day after Sen. Leila de Lima was detained at Camp Crame, Justice Secretary Vitaliano Aguirre II asked yesterday thousands of supporters of President Duterte who they want next.

“Who do you want next (to be jailed)?,” Aguirre asked the crowd as reported by GMANews online.

The crowd replied: “IKAW!”


In a radio interview on Friday morning, Justice Secretary Vitaliano Aguirre II claimed that the car of Lalaine Madrigal Martinez, was “ambushed” on Friday at the Santa Ana race track (now Circuit Makati). But the Inquirer found no police reports of any shooting incident near the Santa Ana Race track.

Sec Aguirre died and he found himself at the PG (Pearly Gates). St Peter appears upset and asks him, “magsabi ka nga ng totoo? Patay ka na nga ba talaga?”


Rody and Trillanes died and they found themselves in HADES. Satan was anxiously interviewing Rody, assured that this newcomer would be a resident. “Ilan ang napatay mo?” “Nagnakaw ka ba?” “May kabit ka ba?” are Satan’s questions. “Marami po, libo na”. “Opo, bilyon.” “Isa po sa Malacanang. 4 po sa Davao.” mga sagot ni Rody. “Ok, approve ang Visa mo dito.” Turning to Trillanes, Satan asked the same queries. Trillanes replied all in the negative. “Eh bakit kb nandito?” Trillanes answered, “sinusundan ko lang po sya para makasegurado ako dito talaga pupunta.”


“Sabi ko: ‘Lei, President Duterte is a good president who is also a Bedan. Baka it will be good to support his presidency,'” Cong Rey Umali said.

Al Argosino Mike Robles and Vit Aguirre are also Bedans. “Nagmamadaling maging Bilyonaryo mga Bedans…” ika ni Jamby.


Manlaban ka este Laban Leila! (Mark John Tumala)


Pope suggests “better to be atheist than hypocritical Catholic”

Rody says “better to be a PRESO than in SENADO”


Good time to lose weight and touch base with friends….JB Kerwin Peter Tony and the rest.

Watch out for the launching of DE LIMA OBLO DIET. Honeylet is interested. Ditto to Mayor Sarah Frank Drilon Nadia Asistio and Sec Medialdea.

The LP is commissioning Arch Palafox to design a special KUBOL in the middle of the Maximum Security Compound.

Mayor Sanchez of Calauan urges Leila not to parrot his copyrighted denial: “wala ako alam di-yan!”

Inmates are into celebratory mode. “Sa wakas makakasama na namin ang kasama namin sa hanapbuhay….”

Once Leila gets lammed, Vit Aguirre promises to conduct daily raids disguised as a light bulb.

Leila was told to ditch her Bostonian accent and to hire a Bulakeño inmate to teach her authentic Tagalog so that Rody’s 16M fans can understand her. Including Mocha.

Leila is the first inmate to be rushed to the DELIVERY ROOM. A platoon of anxious men was seen pacing outside the DR led by Ronnie Warren JB and the rest.


 

 

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