DUTERTE’S a joke….56

Daniel Matsunaga’s sis Vanessa to Erich: Address money issue-News

James Yap was heard saying, “been there, done that…”


The P50-million bribery scandal allegedly involving immigrations only showed that “corruption is alive and well” under the Duterte administration, Senator Grace Poe said on Tuesday.

Peter Lavina denied it.


A Pakistani court Monday banned public celebrations of Valentine’s Day in the capital Islamabad, the latest attempt by authorities to outlaw a holiday seen by many in the traditional Muslim society as vulgar and Western.

Here, Rody extends Heart Day from Feb 14 to 28. “Pinagbigyan ko lang si Erap to accomodate his significant others,” Rody confesses. “Rody, style mo bulok. Palusot ka pa…” Erap retorts. “My only regret is I didn’t delete Feb 14 in the calendar…” PNoy laments. Leila, is in celebratory mode. “Sa lahat po na ginawa ni Presidente, sama ako sampo dito…” Leila is set to have dates with Ronnie, Warren, Joe, JB, etc until March 1.


“The folks that were 5-2 and shorter lived the longest. The range was seen all the way across from being 5-foot tall to 6-foot tall. The taller you got, the shorter you lived,” Bradley Willcox revealed.

Sal Panelo belied this new finding. He said that those 7000 who died under EKJ were 5-2 and below as they are jobless and malnourished.


The war against illegal gambling will not be as bloody as the government’s brutal anti-drug campaign, Philippine National Police (PNP) chief Director General Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa assured on Monday.

Jack Lam, Wally Sombero and Lex Taliones attest to this new policy of Rody. “Pakisabi lang kina Doña Charing, Bong Pineda at Don Ramon Preza na ‘wag silang mag-alala. Magdonate na lang sila sa Phil Red Cross.” assured Sec Aguirre.


Lola Dionisia Reyes, as she is fondly called in Barangay Sta. Cruz here, still possesses impeccable sense of humor, nearly flooring everyone within earshot when she revealed that the secret to her long life is smoking packs of cigarettes every day.

“I have been smoking cigarettes since I was nine years old,” said Reyes who named brands like La Campana, Balintawak and Marvels, among those she consumed.

She’s in good company. PNoy JPE Erap FVR and Rody are chimneys themselves who expect to be centenarians debunking Rody’s intimation of death. “Down with Caffeine! Mabuhay ang Nicotine!” Kris blurted.


“There is a bigger chance that a person would change when the issue is just money. But if you kill, you commit a heinous crime. That’s different. It’s like you’ve already lost your mind,” Congressman Umali said in a radio interview on Sunday.

“Marcos and Erap and Gloria are reformed plunderers that do not deserve the ultimate penalty: death. While Rody and Bato who are confessed killers are beyond salvation. That’s the logic of that Idiot Congressman.” a Palace spokesman said.


“Pardon me for saying this Mr. President Duterte, but you must be at peace with yourself and do not talk about dying soon or being killed or not caring about your life. No. You must preserve your life,” FVR said on Rappler Talk.

“FVR got it wrong,” Salvador Panelo said. “Here are the reasons on his death intimation: He is in campaign mode targetting the 26M who did not vote for him para nga naman pabayaan na lang mang-Tokhang sya while still alive; Para lalong maging panatiko botante nyang 16M dahil nakaka-awa nga naman madededo na; He has nine lives like the cat; He has a number of GFs. Who wants to leave them under the care of Vit Aguirre?; Do you believe him? This is one statement you shouldn’t believe. Parang kayo Pres Ramos, malaki tenga nya fyi,” Sal followed up.


The law prohibits an employer to require the declaration of age or birth date during the application process, decline any employment application because of the applicant’s age or discriminate against an individual in terms of compensation, terms and conditions or privileges of employment on account of an individual’s age.

“‘Di na ako pupunta sa Night Club kasi baka maka-table kong GRO kasing edad ko.” Sal Panelo laments. “At kung hindi nagkasiota si Rody ng tagaSM, di nya maiintindihan yung ENDO.”


“Wala na dayon ko nahadlok mopatay kay naa may polis sa akong likod, ingon si Dipolog Police Chief Maclang para sa bayan ni (I was no longer afraid to kill because I know the police are watching my back. Maclang said we were doing it for the country),” Totoy Daligdig said.

That was Marvin Marcos has in mind on Mayor Espinosa’s prison rub-out that he has no less than Malacanang backing. “We can do no wrong. Para sa bayan ini.” seconded SPO4 Matira.


“Plunder is just a money matter, anyway, as they say, too lame for others to include it,” said Oriental Mindoro Rep. Reynaldo Umali, one of the chief proponents of the bill reintroducing capital punishment.

The cat is out of the bag. This Freudian Slip tells much of the lawmakers target in office after all: money, money, money…”After amassing wealth from office, bail and bribe are set aside and factored in the SOP” an old man who looks like Rene Saguisag quips. Umali intends to name this Bill the Estrada-Revilla Retirement Law.


Plunder removed from crimes punishable by death-News

Congress will amend the Charter deleting the ‘Anti-Dynasty’ provision; restore the Pork Barrel like business as usual; ban Ombudsman and Sandiganbayan from suspending sitting lawmakers; declare ‘Pacquiao Fights’ as junket days; increase their pay and allowances; all ‘investigations in aid of legislation’ shall be viewed only on PayPerView; declare ‘Idiot’ as the new ‘Putang Ina’; grant Jack Lam franchise to operate online gaming inside the South and North wings of the Batasan; award Mocha as the best Censor for clearing ‘Fifty Shades of Darker’ unpixelated thus breaking all time Box Office Hits….


The government will be better off listening to leaders like former Colombian President Cesar Gaviria and learning from his experience than dismissing him as an idiot, Vice President Leni Robredo said on Thursday.

Or we should listen to Idiots like DoJ Sec Aguirre instead.


“I don’t remember … I never consent[ed] or gave any go signal for anybody to give those special privileges to convicted witnesses against de Lima… She is all sound and fury signifying nothing,” Sec of Justice Aguirre said.

“9 out of 10 statements by Rody and his sidekick Vit Aguirre are “foolishness.” Believe us instead.” Ernie Abella announced in a Press Con.


PAGCOR Chair Andrea Domingo, during the hearing, denied that she told Sec Aguirre that Jack Lam offered her a bribe during a brief conversation sometime after Lam purportedy made a bribe offer to the latter.

“Aguire should be the Secretary of Chismis” Sonny Trillanes tweeted Dick.


” ‘Yung prangkisa ninyo (referring to SMART and GLOBE), may karapatan kaming bawiin. Baka sabihin niyo paano mababawi. Napakadali niyan. Kukuha lang kami ng magte-take-over sa inyo, pay your improvement. I’m very sure there are a lot of takers who want to take over in this industry,” Minority Floor Leader Suarez said.

“Hanapbuhay na naman ni Suarez ‘to. Puro shakedown inaatupag ng kupal na ‘to sa Kongreso. Tingnan mo ha? Pati ba naman yung Common Station ng LRT/MRT sa SM North at Trinoma, sinasawsawan at tutol daw sila. Eh as Minority wala tayo naririnig tungkol sa Human Rights, EKJ, etc. Ngayon naman, mga paldong Telcos ang tinatakot.” one Quezon local executive complains.


“Ferdinand Marcos was never really [a] killer. He would have wanted processes to be followed,” Pres Duterte said in a speech at the National Summit Authority (NHA) in Quezon City.

“Idol ko talaga yan. Wala akong sinabi jan. Biro mo Dovie Beams, Maritess Revilla, Rosemarie, Hilda K, Gretchen C….George Hamilton…’Yung pumapatol sa akin, wala, mga Endos ng SM. Kaya Thank You kay Henry Sy kung ‘di sa Endo wala ako GFs sa Matina.” Rody rambled.


Tsokoleit is being vetted as MTRCB member on recom by Chair Mocha. He reviews the newly released “FIFTY SHADES OF DARK CHOCOLATE.”


A fuming Sen. Leila de Lima demanded Thursday an apology from lawyer Ferdinand Topacio for directly naming her as an alleged drug trafficker while laying out the Volunteer Against Crime and Corruption’s (VACC) position backing the restoration of the death penalty.

Not to be outdone Rody labelled his son “Lover Boy.” Baste was heard murmuring, “eh kanino ba naman ako magmamana?”


“Sonny, what should I tell them? You sons of bitches, pay up or I will kill you?” Pres Duterte said, eliciting laughter from the audience.

“Tax Cheats are not humans,” Sonny Dominguez said. “Smugglers are not humans,” Customs Chief added. “Colorum Drivers are not humans,” LTO Chief chimed in. “LP congressmen are not humans,” Speaker Alvarez declared. “The NPAs are not humans,” the Army Chief said. “The Bishops are….”


“Ano gusto nila pabayaan na lang namin ang problema sa drugs? Ganoon ang gusto nila? You know please tell them I can communicate with God without passing through the Bishops,” Gen Bato Dela Rosa said at a press briefing at Camp Crame on Monday.

“Unli ang connect ko kay God…” Bato said he’s referring yo his Boss, Rody.


 

 

 

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