DUTERTE’S a joke…..55

“If a door is open to you, you go through it—confidently.” Such encouraging words, uttered by Fama Francisco, perfectly describe her approach toward her career—which is most likely why she was able to land the prestigious position she now holds: global president of Procter & Gamble’s feminine care business.

“That’s also the philosophy of Rody on his own idea of feminine care…..”Salvador Panelo added.


“It’s true. I went to China. It’s true that I went to a hospital. I had myself circumcised again,” said Mr. Duterte, sending his audience, which included business tycoons Manuel V. Pangilinan and Lance Gokongwei, rolling in laughter.

PNoy and the LP were up in arms over the remark. “Open swipe naman yan kay former President Aquino, Mar, and Jun Abaya. Ano akala nya may mga helmet pa kami?” Butch Abad angrily said.


“Si Kris, nag-text, sabi ‘huwag mo naman ipakulong si Noynoy’. Sabi ko, ‘No Kris, I’m not out to find fault. I just want to know the truth,’” Pres Duterte said in a speech in Pasay City.

“Nagtext din si Nancy. ‘Wag ko daw ipakulong si Jojo. Nagtext din si Susan Roces. Mag seself-deportation na lang daw asawa at anak ni Grace. Si Korina tumawag din. Sya na lang daw sasampal kay Mar. Nagtext din si Jun Santiago kasi tinatawag din daw sya sa gabi ni Miriam.”


MANILA- President Rodrigo Duterte on Monday took a swipe anew at his youngest son, Sebastian “Baste” Duterte, this time for allegedly not giving enough financial support to his children.

“Malakas kumita ng pera si Baste. Ask the BIR how much withholding tax was cut from his professional fees as a commercial model.” a Manila RDO reveals.


Al Argosino: Bago umalis po si Sec Aguirre sa pulong namin nina Wally at Jack Lam, ‘ika po n’ya, “Bahala na kayo dyan….”

Dick Gordon: Ok. Ipatawag natin si Makati Vice Mayor Kado Mercado.

Sen Cayetano: Eh anu kinalaman ni Kado dito?

Sen Trillanes: Eh gago ka pala eh. Di ba kapag may closing si Binay sa kanyang mga Contractor, ang habilin ni Binay kay Kado, “Kado, bahala ka na dyan…”


At the trial of the Raul Camaligan case in 1991, Al Argosino and seven others pleaded guilty to the charge of reckless imprudence resulting in homicide, a downgrade of the original homicide charge, that effectively lowered the penalty to a maximum of four years, and a minimum of two years.

Sec Vit Aguirre is vindicated. Criminals are no humans. He should be confirmed pronto.


“When you say black, are you referring to the Vice President’s skin color?” asked UNA secretary general and Navotas Representative Toby Tiangco in a press statement on Monday.

Mart Andanar will soon join the fray. Mocha is on standby. Sal Panelo has cocked his mouth ready for strafing. Vit Aguirre has just machine-washed his piece. “Baka kami rin tinutukoy, kasi…” Ernie Abella sighs.


“Do not believe that you will go to hell… There is no such thing as heaven and hell. You know it would need a very stupid God if he creates me as a human being and at the end of my earthly life he would just send me to hell,” Pres Duterte said in his latest rantings against the Catholic Church in the country during a convention of the Philippine Association of Water Districts in Davao City.

Ted Bacani, Erap and Rody died and they found themselves at the Pearly Gates. St Peter says he’ll ask them just one question and if the answer is right they’d be allowed in. Ted was first. “Ilan GFs mo?” asked St Peter. “Dalawa po” Ted replied. Ted was allowed in. Erap and Rody were asked the same query and Erap answered, “one wife and 6 GFs” while Rody responded, “one wife and 3 GFs.” With those answers Satan fetched them. While descending to Satan Ville, Erap and Rody complained. “Bakit si Ted dalawa GFs eh pinapasok? Unfair naman!” Satan shrugged, “eh Binata yun eh.”

“Sumagot ka Pastor Pacman…”


“DOJ Sec Aguirre’s answer when he was asked where he got the figure P100 million was that he thinks that’s his worth. He thinks about that? That that’s his value as a Justice Secretary? That P50 million is cheap, but P100 million is ok? Is that how it is?,” Chiz Evangelista said.

“Buhok pa lang un” Sonny Trillanes said.


The sequel to “Fifty Shades of Grey,” “Fifty Shades Darker” was approved in its original US version. Moviegoers will be able to watch the film without cuts, blurs and blacked-out parts, unlike when the first movie was shown in the country.

Mabuhay ka, Mocha!


The Supreme Court barred PNP Director General Ronald dela Rosa and his men from harassing the relatives and from entering within a one-kilometer radius from the relatives of four slain drug suspects homes in Payatas, Quezon City.

By 4am today, Rody conducts a PRESS CON targetting the Chief Justice and Marvic Leonen as drug coddlers. “Ok yan Boss, kasi pag binanatan mong drug protectors, magreresign yang dalawang yan tulad ng AMLA chair….”ika ni BMW.


Senator Francis “Chiz” Escudero has criticized Philippine National Police chief Director General Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa for cursing and ordering policemen to do pushup for “publicity.”

“Push ups at Squat sa mga Scalawag cops. EKJ sa pedestrian na na jaywalking” ika ni FVR who punished coup plotters with 20 push ups at the Manila Hotel caper.


“Kanya kanyang diskarte, and he’s really a simple person, and I think the heart is in the proper place, ang naging problema nga lang, siguro, if I may, kasi from mayor, iba talaga ‘yung pagiging mayor. Kasi ‘pag mayor, hari ka eh. Pagka presidente, hindi ka hari eh kasi ang dami mong pakikitunguhan. Meron kang Kongreso. Pero ‘pag mayor, ‘yung konseho, hawak mo ‘yan eh,” Ping Lacson said.

“Katulad din ni Mocha at ni Arnell Ignacio. Si Mocha, dating Centerfold. Ngayon, Center of Attraction at Censor ng Bold. Si Arnell, dating Beki, ngayon VP (vading parin) ng PCSO.


TALLAHASSEE — A well-known Tallahassee pastor was forced to flee naked after a husband came home early and found him having sex with the man’s wife. The wife then called the police and her husband left with the pastor’s clothes, wallet and car keys, which he threatened to drop off at the church. He also threatened to expose the pastor on Facebook.

Manny Pacquiao will soon issue a disclaimer that he was not the pastor referred to. He said that he was at the Senate probing the Secretary of Justice and his two BI Commissioners on Jack Lam’s buy out. Ted Bacani says the President got his chismis wrong after all. “Oh kitam’? Anong mga pari ang sinasabi n’ya?” Ted asked.


MANILA, Philippines – President Rodrigo Duterte will soon order soldiers of the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) to arrest corrupt policemen, as part of his administration’s cleansing of the Philippine National Police.

The PNP on the other hand has the GO SIGNAL to arrest corrupt militarymen.

The NPA has the green light to sic both.


Sa DOJ at BI may TOKLAM…Toktuk, (Sino yan?)…. Jack Lam


“Do not enter government to milk government,” Rody said.

“Say that to your Brods” Ricky Sta Isabel mumbled.


 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *