DUTERTE’S a joke….16

harryhairyMinority Floor Leader Danilo Suarez’s colleagues in the minority Lito Atienza of party-list group Buhay and Harry Roque of Kabayan called for De Lima’s resignation as a senator.

They were seen earlier in a huddle with GMA whispering, “wag n’yong papormahin si Leila. Upakan n’yo na!”

At last, there was UNITY in the HOUSE that never happened during FM’s Cory’s FVR’s terms…..


convictsDuring the lunch break called by the committee on justice yesterday, security escorts of convicted drug dealers thought one of the convicts had escaped and reported the matter to House officials.

The report prompted Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez to order a lockdown of the House premises at the Batasan complex in Quezon City.

The lockdown was well received by the people saying that in one instance birds of the same feather were at last together.


“No other country can interfere with Philippine affairs, neophyte Senator Manny Pacquiao said on Wednesday, reacting to Senator Leila de Lima’s call for the United Nations to come to the Philippines and look into the alleged spate of extrajudicial killings here.”

honeylet-letHoneylet to partner Rody: “Sabihan mo nga yang Pacman na yan. Ano ba ibig n’yang sabihin, ‘wag ako maki-alam sa panCHICHICKS mo, ha? ha? Baka gusto mo mag-ALSA MALETA?”

RODY: “LUV, LUV DALI ‘LIKA NA…UMA-ALSA NA. BAKA MAPURNADA.”


“No other country can interfere with Philippine affairs, neophyte Senator Manny Pacquiao said on Wednesday, reacting to Senator Leila de Lima’s call for the United Nations to come to the Philippines and look into the alleged spate of extrajudicial killings here.”

“Eh, panu naman ‘yung mga AFFAIRS mo, ha? ha?” text ni Jinkee.

“‘Yang mga apirs, ‘yan ba ung “GEB ME PAYB? ha? ha?” text ni Momi D.


“SEBASTIAN REFUSES TO FINGER LEILA”—HEADLINE (Courtesy of Byron Villegas)

“Amoy melon,” sabi daw ni Jaybee.

Sabi naman ni Peter Co: “melon amoy. kaya hilap fingelin…..”


Congressman Rey Umali wants Jaybee Sebastian to testify as it appears all the narrations of convict-witnesses point at him.

Sec. Vit Aguirre: Sebastian, testigo ko bukas ha? At sabihin mo ang mga utos sa ‘yo ni Leila.

Jaybee: Eh, kung ayaw ko?

Sec. Vit Aguirre: Kulung ka, gago!

Jaybee: Hehe…..


(1st UPDATE) Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt and is seeking custody of their six children, TMZ reported Tuesday, spelling the end for “Brangelina,” one of Hollywood’s highest-profile celebrity couples.

On learning this sad news Jaybee Sebastian texted Leila, “kahit magsara ang Bilibid Luv nunca mangyari sa atin ito dahil may forever tau.”

Getting wind of the text message Sec Vit Aguirre boomed, “talagang forever dahil reclusion perpetua silang dalawa.”


“May araw din po kayo.”

This was how Senator Leila de Lima, in a privilege speech on Tuesday, shot back at those who she said were fabricating evidence against her.

Sal Panelo was laughing when he heard this threat she uttered. “Si Presidente tulog sa araw at takipsilim hanggang 4am ng umaga magtrabaho. Kaya Waray adlao kahit kelan. ”


“Just give me a little extension of maybe of another six months. Because I never have that idea of hundreds of thousands of people in the drug business. And what makes it worst is, they are now operated by people in government, especially those elected officials,” the President said.

Now we can ask for extensions from Meralco PLDT GLOBE BIR COMELEC as well. “Eh kung humihingi s’ya ng EXTENSION sa EJK bakit hindi naman tayo pagbibigyan?” a recently widowed wife was heard complaining.


“Pumasok po si De Lima Sa Kubol ni Jaybee Sebastian, silang dalawa lang. Tumagal po ng 2 to 3 hours.” -Witness Magleo

Wheh the President heard this, he was fuming mad. As Davao City Mayor he says he pays his Motel bills “ora mismo.”

He says her greater sin is not only “cuddling” within government property but using it gratis et amore. “Balita ko nag 123 pa sila sa Dahlia,” ‘ika ni Rody.


Will Matobato’s testimony stand in court? Asked Lawyer Manny Laserna Jr.

“Nope.” Gigi Reyes insists. “Only Johnny’s can stand. Ask the Supreme Court.” she hissed.


Senator Nancy Binay disclosed on Tuesday that she had one condition before she agreed to vote in favor of removing Senator Leila de Lima as chair of the Senate committee on justice and human rights.

Her condition was for her to replace Leila as Justice Chair. “Patawag naman natin Dad ko para maibigay naman n’ya side n’ya.”


“I read the condemnation of the EU against me. I will tell them, ‘fuck you.’ You’re doing it in atonement for your sins,” Mr. Duterte said in a speech before local government officials in Davao City.

When Sonny Osmeña and Joey Salceda heard this, Sonny remarked, ” Joey, nakikipag negotiate si Rody.” “Sinabi ba “Asshole!? Ay type,” Joey replied.


The President should really be worried about the glut of drugs nationwide affecting intelligent choice.

Proof is the ongoing HOUSE PROBE on drugs. “Talamak na nga talaga ang droga sa Bansa. Tingnan mo nga yang mga Congressman yan. Binabasa na nga ang script, mali pa. Ambobobo….Panu nahalal yan?” the President was heard complaining to Bong Go.


Janitor returns lost cash to Cebu congressman.

By a Resolution passed by the HOUSE voting UNANIMOUSLY 450-0, they demand the resignation of the Janitor for not keeping up with the tradition of Congress….

“Hindi s’ya bagay dito. Baka s’ya maging huwaran….” complained the MINORITY FLOOR LEADER Danilo Suarez. He asked the President for a replacement pronto: Janet Lim Napoles. Suarez heard that Duterte is mulling pardon on the lady prisoner who promised to corroborate the testimony of Herbert Colangco.


 

 

 

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