AN OPEN LETTER TO DR. MARICAR REYES
07. Jun, 2009 
22 Comments
Here’s a letter from Aila Lenard of Bayanihan Times
from Down Under she sent to my sister, Judge Chona Pulgar-Navarro. Aila said
“Dear Chona and Daprosa –
I knew I had to write this letter in order to purge the sadness I feel for a young woman who could have been a friend, a sister, a daughter….
Your friend –
Aila”:
Dear Dr Reyes -
If the latest news item about you is true, then it is a relief to know that you have gone back to your daily routine as a doctor and resumed work on your other commitments. For a while, when nothing was heard from you, I couldn’t help but picture sad scenarios in my mind.
In my mind, I can see your mother and father consoling their daughter. Your parents, devastated by the release of sex videos with you in them, are more hurt seeing you broken down by shame. You have been a dutiful and kind daughter to them. Not once have you caused them dishonour. You almost always gave them something to be proud of. They are proud of your achievements. You have studied well and graduated as a doctor. Every time they see you on TV endorsing popular skin and women’s products, they knew that they have raised you well. But now that a sex video of you has been going around on the net, your image has been tarnished. They feel your sorrow and pain.
But what really concerns you are your parent’s feelings. It is the effect these events have on them that saddens you. You felt that you have marred your family’s reputation and this you couldn’t bear. As I close my eyes at night, I see you on the verge of despair and contemplating to end your young and productive life.
At other times I also imagine a scenario with you escaping to a foreign land. You leave behind a medical career that holds so much promise, a lucrative modelling job and a budding acting career. It will not be easy for you to start anew in a foreign land. I sigh at the prospect of you in self-imposed exile and losing everything you have worked hard for.
Some people might think that I am too imaginative but I have seen people go to pieces faced with a lesser problem. What happened although no fault of yours carries far-reaching consequences to yourself and your family. Only the toughest can survive it.
Your naked body was flaunted in public. It is a custom in our society that naked bodies are not to be displayed. In our country, women self consciously cover their cleavage or legs as they board a jeepney. (Ours is also a society that will go crazy over movies with nudity and sex scenes. People will line up to watch Ina Raymundo dance naked in Burlesque Queen, but we cringe at her nerve to do so.) Yet the whole nation has seen your naked body without your permission. What a blow this must be to your conservative parents!
But it is not only your naked body that was exposed, you were shown in the act of copulation. This exposure by far exceeded the furor caused by seeing a naked woman. Never has there been a sex video featuring a woman from a decent background, with above average beauty and intelligence, a graduate from one of the best schools around and above all, a professional doctor. There has never been one like this. This is not the norm. Beautiful and successful women from decent and well-to-do families are not supposed to sin. And this is what saddens you. You have given yourself in an act of passion to only one person. Yet this intimate moment became a public spectacle. People of all sorts have feasted their eyes on your naked body and some perhaps now harbour lewd desires towards you. People who are not supposed to be privy to that moment have dared to view it. What is more disturbing is that these same people, who were never supposed to witness that moment in the first place, are freely passing their judgment on you.
Such is the woeful situation you now confront. Many people have judged you unkindly. What they saw on the tape challenged their long-held values. They come from a culture that sets impossible standards for women, who when unable to attain these standards are given cruel sanctions.
But if we analyse this incident carefully, what you did is defensible. You have done what any healthy and normal woman would do. You were in a private room with your partner. You are both young and at the peak of your sexuality. For you to satisfy a physiological need in a socially appropriate way is in no way reprehensible. What two consenting unattached adults do in the privacy of their room is nobody’s business but their own. You can explore the various potentials of your desire wherever it may lead you. So long as you act within bounds and no one is hurt or offended in the process, then you are free to express your sexuality with your partner. In your case, it is irrelevant to consider if people might think your private pursuit is distasteful or immoral. This is not a matter for their moral consideration. Moral incorrectness does not arise in this case as you were both in love, free and consensually submitting to your sexual needs. What is immoral is when people barge into a closed room and feel privileged to watch your intimate moments and then condemn what they have seen. This is what happened in exposing that tape. Your privacy was interfered with. You were judged unfairly.
So why should you be given a life sentence when you are the person aggrieved? Those in the wrong should suffer and not you. The man who took this video without your knowledge should be punished. The brains who orchestrated the release of these videos out of jealousy or revenge should be punished even more. The person who capitalised on the distribution of these tapes should be sanctioned. These people may not have exposed their naked bodies but they have exposed their cruel and evil hearts.
But through all this injustice, you have decided to remain silent about the whole thing. Perhaps you do not wish for this controversy to escalate even more than it did. You do not want to be a spectacle once more in the senate. You have no desire for retribution. All you want is to put this nightmare behind you and move on. Although it is a struggle, you are slowly reclaiming your life. Such an attitude is worthy of everyone’s respect.
Needless to say, everything with a negative effect has a concomitant positive reaction. One positive thing that has come out of your experience is that it has catapulted your name to soaring popularity. You have, without knowing it, somehow helped broaden people’s attitude about sex. Sex is a part of our lives regardless of our background and our looks. It should have a proper place in our existence, but it should not be the cornerstone of our values. We should free ourselves from the lingering guilt that sex is an expression of our lower selves and that yielding to our biological nature is vulgar. We should not allow sex to be more than what it is. It is simply a dimension of our lives and should be accepted as such and nothing more. Customary beliefs can no longer be accepted without question.
Although a number of people are easy to condemn you, some are more understanding. I have noticed this from people’s reaction on the internet. They view what happened with open minds. Some women identify with what you did. They do not see premarital sex as reprehensible. It is a choice an individual has to make. Some men admire you because you have shown that women can be a more active partner in the sex act and not simply a passive recipient of tenderness. The sex tapes have added scores to the number of your fans and admirers.
What you should focus on now is to take advantage of your increasing popularity by accepting more product endorsements and movie projects. The way things are, I am sure business companies are already lining up to get your endorsements. If companies have keen business sense, they should know that having you as an endorser of their product, automatically makes that product popular and ensures a market for it. Just make sure to get the services of a good business manager.
Concentrate on furthering your medical career. We need doctors who embody intelligence and humanity. We need doctors who are in touch with their own bodies and feelings; not simply diagnosticians. I foresee a future with you having your own TV show. It wouldn’t surprise me if your show will have a “Doctor in the House’ format, an informative show with people asking you questions about health and beauty and perhaps, sex issues.
In ending this letter, let me give you my support for you are a woman of indomitable spirit. You did not allow yourself to be swallowed by the events that happened to you. You have remained resolute in the face of an insurmountable hurdle. You did not allow yourself to be a victim for long. Victims, after all, will only remain victims if they continue to act like one.
With time people will get to know you better. They will admire and respect you for what you do. They will realise that what they saw in your sex video is just one aspect of yourself. It does not define who you are.
Yours in prayer –
Aila Lenard
Bayanihan Times
About
Dear Aila,
your comment/reply to Dr Jj is now posted.
anyway just send in your other posts or comments and we’ll have them published in the site. thank you for visiting our site. more power.
Mabuhay ka!
Dear Aila,
Thank you for this wonderful insight. I agree 101%. Hope people will get to read it and realize.
pwede po bang magtagalog todits???hehehehe..anyways,my own opinion is that there’s nothing wrong about the video at all.it was made(though without her consent),i guess,for his personal pleasure..and i can feel her feelings for him.
what i can’t understand is how filipinos treat her like dirt.she was acting out of her passion with him.what’s wrong with that?we are living in the 21st century and sex before marriage is a norm.say how self-righteous you are about being sinful or immoral but have you looked at yourself in the mirror?people that said or wrote negative words about her probably in their bedroom had done worst acts to their partners albeit no videos..don’t hide from her acts…be for real,people
Dear Aila,
I can see how passionate you are with regard to your convictions and if you condone premarital sex and “see love” in them, I respect that. We can agree to disagree without being judgemental. I wrote something about hating the sin and empathizing with the sinner. Being a fanatic whether religious or not is an anomaly. If you do not have any notion of sin as an offense against God, then you will not have compassion to the sinner.
Your last paragraph is truly revealing and if I may add I will also ask God’s help for enlightenment so we may understand what we are talking about.
Sincerely,
Dr Jj
bk8 xa malandi? wag nga kau magmalinis jan ..lahat ng babae ganun ang gngawa..lhat tau sinners..ano pla masama sa gnawa nya..mgsyota sla..ikaw ano pla gngawa nyu ng bf mo..ngtinginan lng ..wala kaung breeding sa totoo lng..c Maricar ai decent, wala xang cnasagasaan mgsyota sla ni hayden..ang mama mo,ate,lola,aunt mo ginagawa yan..hinay2 sa mga nega comments nyu..mkarma kau nyan..God watching us..oki…To Maricar wag mo pancinin ang mga skwaters..God olweys be wid u
A late night call from a girlfriend with the Pandora box inducing curiosity of asking “Did you hear @##$&%…..?” What? Half awake and halfway through the gates of la la land, you would think this piece of Pinoy news halfway across the Pacific would be a massive dose of adrenaline strong enough to zap me back to a world of unfinished laundry, bills to pay, and a bank account nearing the OD zone. “So who the hell is this doctor ”, I mumbled as I drag my antihistamine laden muscles out of bed for a jolt of caffeine. The first official day of summer just got crossed off my calendar and the swarm of biting insects has come to feast on me. I have the Dalmatian scars to prove it, and a long list of dermatologist visits whose prescriptions and treatment protocol proved to be just another insurance category of “ what is not covered.” That was two years ago, three dermatologists and one entomologist later, I still suffer from the tiniest insect capable of piercing through my sorry skin just to have a taste of “ my sweet blood”. I wonder where Stephenie Meyers got her inspiration for her Twilight series. I can empathize with Kristine, the heroine. Her sweet scent drives Edward crazy, but unlike Edward whose self-restraint is far from human, my insect stalkers are deadly and prey on me without mercy. Yet, there I am under the sun, working the fields, exploring the woods, at the park with my dogs, unafraid and carefree refusing to be hostage to the invincible insects whose marks initially tattoos my body with laser precision. No amount of insect repellent — hazardous and non-hazardous–can keep them away so I have learned to live with this anomaly by treating it symptomatically as they appear.
Such is the appeal of a personal scandal to our daily lives. They are like mosquitoes that follow their prey with radar accuracy. A scandal permeates our daily existence from scandalmongers, and announces itself with a drum roll making its grand entrance known for public condemnation. Meanwhile, the source rejoices in the shadow anticipating the big bang. The ripple effect of the internet is swift and without conscience. Such is the effect of the recent sex video tapes that has aroused the characteristic “tsismoso” and “tsismosa” in each of us. Unfortunately for the subjects of such tapes, their lives have been upended by a vicious act of someone whose obvious sole purpose is to inflict pain.
Who the hell are Maricar Reyes and Hayden Kho in my world of bills to pay and mouths to feed! Suffice to say I watched it with indifference given that it wasn’t Brad and Angelina. Objectively, the tapes are tame in the instructional world of Kama Sutra. Puhleez, don’t insult my proficiency on this subject matter, okay? My initial reaction was the obvious staged performance of the male partner. His intermittent glances towards the camera gave away his slimy intentions. His actions appeared calculated and self-directed. I can only assume that at that given time he felt the need to validate his performance in bed by producing a tape of what ought to have been their Mt. Fuji expression of love in the privacy of two souls becoming one. Judging from the stolen glances directed towards the opposite side of the room– where I bet sat a dressing room mirror–he must have thought he was Zeus’ gift to women! Are you kidding me? Motel or hotel? Whatever! On the other hand, the unknowing female victim– in her wondrous prime and all of Eve’s glory– was only responding to her sexual instincts. I saw a strong woman expressing her passion with the wrong man. I saw her as Juliet swimming in the climax of foreplay and sweet surrender to a Romeo impostor. She doesn’t need Freud obviously, but he needs serious lessons from a thug on “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!”
The fact of the matter is that these were two young people engaging consensually in the act as primal as the Stone Age. Nothing wrong with that. Come on, had it been edited and shown with the cheesy background of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”, it could pass off for a classy porn! Not that I’ve watched one too many. I have confessed my sins, mind you. Joking aside, the tapes have drawn all the attention from the curious beavers because it involves two famous people who grace TV ads and magazines that provide vicarious entertainment to the bored public. Add to that the MD credentials to their name. Woe to the famous and privileged, such is the price of fame, but we all know that, duh!
In reading the commentaries, thoughts, and judgments shared by the viewing public, the comments were expected and predictable from a culture whose lives is at least 90 percent influenced by the word “hiya” or shame. Shame is not on Maricar or Hayden for engaging in sex. Barring Catholic teachings on the egregiousness of premarital sex, at least they have shown that they were responsible enough to use protection. As pre-med students, the last thing you want is getting sidetracked from your dream path by getting pregnant or contracting STD! The real shame in this situation is the continued proliferation of this unfortunate incident by spreading the links and videos. It is worse than the spread of the N1H1 virus! But think for one moment and strip off fame and privilege from the equation. What lies beneath the so called scandal is a human being. Stripping the individual with his or her dignity by sensationalizing it, what profit is gained? Does it feed the soul or make it less sinful? Is it right to anoint the true North of one’s moral compass? No amount of second guessing will do any one of us any good. Do one good thing for yourself. Stop buzzing about it. Don’t be the heartless mosquito. Fly away and move on.
I fEel for maricAr..lahat tau my kanya kanyang pagkakamali..WALa taung karapatan n magHusGa ng tao,Diyos lng ang meroN..BUt WIth the pRemarital thing..Hindi aq doktor hindi dn ako lectUrer pero, pero kahIt papanO man natin tawagIn at idiscribe ang sex as loNg as hIndi kasal ang 2 tao n gumawa nito, ito ay IMMORAL..and Diyos n ngbiGAY ng 10 utos noon ky moses ky siya pa ring dIyos natin ngaun..TAo lng ang ngbabago hIndi ang DIyos at kailaman ay hindi xa kayang bagohin ng panahon..mahalaga ang pananaw ng tao o kng anO mang reliHiyoN pero hIgit s lahat mas mahalaga ang pananaw ng DIYOS..waG sana nating kLimuTAN YOn
S sobrang taliNo ng tao gumagawa n xa ng sarili nyang bAtas upang mapaGbigyan ang gus2 natin..kng normal lng n mgtalik ang dalawang tao n hIndi kasal para saAn pa ang kasal?seremOnyas n lng b un para kumita ang mga wedding asociateD busines at simbAhan?
PRo or anti pRemarital k man, aminin n natin to..kNG nkapag antay sana c mariCar hIndi nya dadanasin ang dinadanas nya ngaun..last sunday ngshopiNG cna maricAr at nanay nya s duTy freE,bulungan ang mga tao, umiyak ang nanay nya..ang pangYayaring ito ay isang malaking pagsubok s pamilya nla..soMehow maricar learnd her lesoN..sana wag n nting antayin n mangyari dn s atin to..anjan ang pamilya at mga kaibgan ntin para alagaAn at suportahan tayo..pero hIgIt kaninO man tau ang my pnakamalaking resPonsibilidad para pangalagaAn ang katawan at repuTasyoN ntin..
teka sino bang kaaway mo? wala namang nag criticise at againts dito ke Maricar kaya BASAHIN KASE MABUTI AT INTINDIHIN ANG MGA NAKASULAT BAGO MAG COMMENT OK..BAGO KA MA HIGH BLOOD DAYAN. EASY GOING LANG NOMAN…
What i can say is that in this time of big trouble family is tested. we have not heard maricar and her family’s comment. i think it is correct for her not to comment at all for she has to admit that she also did wrong by having sex to someone she is not married with. however, by her humility and acceptance of what she did wrong, God continuously pouring His blessings to her.
Maricar, you are young and intelligent girl, just leave all the revenge into God’s hands, trust God confess all ur sins and move on God is gracious aside from your family He is your strength!
Just keep on listening of Mariah Carey’s song “Can’t take that away” and “i can make it through the rain” mai-inspire ka… you hurt nobody so dont be afraid. Fight a good fight of faith. move on di ka pababayaan ni Lord just be humble in Him and rest in His powers.
Just count your blessing right now, you have a lot of projects so do your best to prove to all those people that are condemning you that you are not a bad person, you are only human and if theres anyone who is valid to judge you, it is only God Himself.
I salute your family, your parents for they still let you go on with your showbiz career, its good that you continue ur life than be depressed.
Galingan mo pa ang acting mo, sa tulad mong tumayo sa pagsubok maraming magtitiwala sayong tao. go Girl show the world the best that have got. yung galing mo sa acting.
Many people are waiting for your tv appearances and many of us will support you so do your best okey and ignore those people who are judging you, bahala na si God sa knila..
keep it up Godbless!!