AN OPEN LETTER TO DR. MARICAR REYES
07. Jun, 2009 
22 Comments
Here’s a letter from Aila Lenard of Bayanihan Times
from Down Under she sent to my sister, Judge Chona Pulgar-Navarro. Aila said
“Dear Chona and Daprosa –
I knew I had to write this letter in order to purge the sadness I feel for a young woman who could have been a friend, a sister, a daughter….
Your friend –
Aila”:
Dear Dr Reyes -
If the latest news item about you is true, then it is a relief to know that you have gone back to your daily routine as a doctor and resumed work on your other commitments. For a while, when nothing was heard from you, I couldn’t help but picture sad scenarios in my mind.
In my mind, I can see your mother and father consoling their daughter. Your parents, devastated by the release of sex videos with you in them, are more hurt seeing you broken down by shame. You have been a dutiful and kind daughter to them. Not once have you caused them dishonour. You almost always gave them something to be proud of. They are proud of your achievements. You have studied well and graduated as a doctor. Every time they see you on TV endorsing popular skin and women’s products, they knew that they have raised you well. But now that a sex video of you has been going around on the net, your image has been tarnished. They feel your sorrow and pain.
But what really concerns you are your parent’s feelings. It is the effect these events have on them that saddens you. You felt that you have marred your family’s reputation and this you couldn’t bear. As I close my eyes at night, I see you on the verge of despair and contemplating to end your young and productive life.
At other times I also imagine a scenario with you escaping to a foreign land. You leave behind a medical career that holds so much promise, a lucrative modelling job and a budding acting career. It will not be easy for you to start anew in a foreign land. I sigh at the prospect of you in self-imposed exile and losing everything you have worked hard for.
Some people might think that I am too imaginative but I have seen people go to pieces faced with a lesser problem. What happened although no fault of yours carries far-reaching consequences to yourself and your family. Only the toughest can survive it.
Your naked body was flaunted in public. It is a custom in our society that naked bodies are not to be displayed. In our country, women self consciously cover their cleavage or legs as they board a jeepney. (Ours is also a society that will go crazy over movies with nudity and sex scenes. People will line up to watch Ina Raymundo dance naked in Burlesque Queen, but we cringe at her nerve to do so.) Yet the whole nation has seen your naked body without your permission. What a blow this must be to your conservative parents!
But it is not only your naked body that was exposed, you were shown in the act of copulation. This exposure by far exceeded the furor caused by seeing a naked woman. Never has there been a sex video featuring a woman from a decent background, with above average beauty and intelligence, a graduate from one of the best schools around and above all, a professional doctor. There has never been one like this. This is not the norm. Beautiful and successful women from decent and well-to-do families are not supposed to sin. And this is what saddens you. You have given yourself in an act of passion to only one person. Yet this intimate moment became a public spectacle. People of all sorts have feasted their eyes on your naked body and some perhaps now harbour lewd desires towards you. People who are not supposed to be privy to that moment have dared to view it. What is more disturbing is that these same people, who were never supposed to witness that moment in the first place, are freely passing their judgment on you.
Such is the woeful situation you now confront. Many people have judged you unkindly. What they saw on the tape challenged their long-held values. They come from a culture that sets impossible standards for women, who when unable to attain these standards are given cruel sanctions.
But if we analyse this incident carefully, what you did is defensible. You have done what any healthy and normal woman would do. You were in a private room with your partner. You are both young and at the peak of your sexuality. For you to satisfy a physiological need in a socially appropriate way is in no way reprehensible. What two consenting unattached adults do in the privacy of their room is nobody’s business but their own. You can explore the various potentials of your desire wherever it may lead you. So long as you act within bounds and no one is hurt or offended in the process, then you are free to express your sexuality with your partner. In your case, it is irrelevant to consider if people might think your private pursuit is distasteful or immoral. This is not a matter for their moral consideration. Moral incorrectness does not arise in this case as you were both in love, free and consensually submitting to your sexual needs. What is immoral is when people barge into a closed room and feel privileged to watch your intimate moments and then condemn what they have seen. This is what happened in exposing that tape. Your privacy was interfered with. You were judged unfairly.
So why should you be given a life sentence when you are the person aggrieved? Those in the wrong should suffer and not you. The man who took this video without your knowledge should be punished. The brains who orchestrated the release of these videos out of jealousy or revenge should be punished even more. The person who capitalised on the distribution of these tapes should be sanctioned. These people may not have exposed their naked bodies but they have exposed their cruel and evil hearts.
But through all this injustice, you have decided to remain silent about the whole thing. Perhaps you do not wish for this controversy to escalate even more than it did. You do not want to be a spectacle once more in the senate. You have no desire for retribution. All you want is to put this nightmare behind you and move on. Although it is a struggle, you are slowly reclaiming your life. Such an attitude is worthy of everyone’s respect.
Needless to say, everything with a negative effect has a concomitant positive reaction. One positive thing that has come out of your experience is that it has catapulted your name to soaring popularity. You have, without knowing it, somehow helped broaden people’s attitude about sex. Sex is a part of our lives regardless of our background and our looks. It should have a proper place in our existence, but it should not be the cornerstone of our values. We should free ourselves from the lingering guilt that sex is an expression of our lower selves and that yielding to our biological nature is vulgar. We should not allow sex to be more than what it is. It is simply a dimension of our lives and should be accepted as such and nothing more. Customary beliefs can no longer be accepted without question.
Although a number of people are easy to condemn you, some are more understanding. I have noticed this from people’s reaction on the internet. They view what happened with open minds. Some women identify with what you did. They do not see premarital sex as reprehensible. It is a choice an individual has to make. Some men admire you because you have shown that women can be a more active partner in the sex act and not simply a passive recipient of tenderness. The sex tapes have added scores to the number of your fans and admirers.
What you should focus on now is to take advantage of your increasing popularity by accepting more product endorsements and movie projects. The way things are, I am sure business companies are already lining up to get your endorsements. If companies have keen business sense, they should know that having you as an endorser of their product, automatically makes that product popular and ensures a market for it. Just make sure to get the services of a good business manager.
Concentrate on furthering your medical career. We need doctors who embody intelligence and humanity. We need doctors who are in touch with their own bodies and feelings; not simply diagnosticians. I foresee a future with you having your own TV show. It wouldn’t surprise me if your show will have a “Doctor in the House’ format, an informative show with people asking you questions about health and beauty and perhaps, sex issues.
In ending this letter, let me give you my support for you are a woman of indomitable spirit. You did not allow yourself to be swallowed by the events that happened to you. You have remained resolute in the face of an insurmountable hurdle. You did not allow yourself to be a victim for long. Victims, after all, will only remain victims if they continue to act like one.
With time people will get to know you better. They will admire and respect you for what you do. They will realise that what they saw in your sex video is just one aspect of yourself. It does not define who you are.
Yours in prayer –
Aila Lenard
Bayanihan Times
About
The writer sensitibity is apparent in this letter. It is like she has felt what the vitim has experience.BRAVO! let us give our support to Maricar Reyes and other victims.
I just hope that this letter will be read by Maricar to lessen her burden. I really feel sorry for her and I’m also affected by the issues. I’m always praying for Maricar and I hope to get in touch with her. Many people are supporting you Maricar. We love you.
sana nga mabasa ni maricar ito,para kahit papano malaman nya na marami ang nagmamahal at nag rerespeto sa pagkatao nya.Ang prayers ko sana, kahit saan ka man,mag karoon ka ng katahimikan at alam ko na ang pamilya mo ay di nawawala sa tabi mo para suportahan ka.Sana maging matatag ka sa mga panahon na ito,narito kami at sumusuporta sa iyo.mahal ka namin at patuloy ka naming pinagdarasal…
Dear Sir:
I have just posted a link to the page “An Open Letter to Dr. Maricar Reyes” on her support page in facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=89577470737
It only occurred to me now that I should have had asked for your permission first before putting the link. My apologies for any problems this may cause.
The creator of the facebook page says that Dr. Reyes gets to read the messages on the site, thus I hope she gets to read this page.
More power to you and thanks for posting the letter.
Joey
very well said…i really hope that maricar will be able to read this letter…Maricar…be strong, GOD will make a way!!!God Bless
this is so true…i hope that this letter would reach maricar for her to know that not everyone who have watched the video judged her as a whole…as a human…as a daughter and as a doctor…
Dear Aila,
You have put into eloquent words what all decent people are feeling for
this very promising young doctor. I just have to disagree with some of the premise in your logic. As a christian nation we have forgotten that sex is something sacred and should be done in the confines of marriage.
Man is composed of body and spirit and we have been given an intellect to differentiate us from the lower forms of animal who will just give in to their instict. I can say that the basic problem that we have is the lost of the sense of sin and rationalizing an offensive and sinful act just because it is done in private or it is something consensual. If this is the kind of morality that we are teaching our children then God help us!
I am so touched by this letter. I’ve known her through this scandal,actually deadma pa nga ako noon about the whole thing until I saw her video, anyway nag research ako about her and nalaman ko what a great profile she got. And I found myself really admiring her.Sana ganun din po ang iba sa atin instead na isipin ang nakita nila dun sa SV,bakit hindi nila tingnan ang background ni Dra. Reyes?
To Dra. Reyes, pls be strong , habang inire-release ng sunod-sunod ang mga SV mo, your popularity/fans gets even more. Dont mind the others who judge you cruelly.Mas madami kaming supporters mo. I always include you in my prayers. I know that you will emerge as a better and stronger person.
Dear Aila,
You have put into eloquent words what all decent people are feeling for
this very promising young doctor. I just have to disagree with some of the premise in your logic. As a christian nation we have forgotten that sex is something sacred and should be done in the confines of marriage.
Man is composed of body and spirit and we have been given an intellect to differentiate us from the lower forms of animal who will just give in to their instict. I can say that the basic problem that we have is the lost of the sense of sin and rationalizing an offensive and sinful act just because it is done in private or it is something consensual. If this is the kind of morality that we are teaching our children then God help us!
Dear Dr Jj –
Thank you for writing a comment sharing your religious convictions. As a former lecturer, I used to tell my students to exclude religion in any topic for debate. It is a subjective issue mostly based on the teachings of one’s church or on one’s interpretation of the Bible, seldom on reason. Faith hinges on religion but can we really validate religion? Who can say that one’s religion carries the absolute truth? Catholics frown upon polygamy, but in certain Islamic regions polygamy is practiced by their faithful. Can we rightfully say that polygamy is immoral just because our church forbids it? That’s a different case altogether you might argue, but I’d counter that like us Catholics, the practitioners of Islam are simply obeying their faith which is based on their interpretation of the Qur’an. Now who can really argue with faith?
I am born a Catholic but I’d say the belief I subscribe to is based more on reason, fairness and kindness, rather than dogmas. I believe that there is a God above who is just. I do not condone promiscuity and senseless sex because these acts are bereft of thought and real feelings, but I do not have any problem with sex as an expression of strong emotion between two human beings who are not married to anyone else. This is the kind of sex that I saw on the video tapes of Maricar and partner. There are two people expressing their sexuality in private. I did not see multiple partners nor debasement of bodies on that tape. I saw physical and sexual familiarity. I saw two people selflessly gratifying each other’s sexual needs. I saw strong emotion. I even saw love.
I am aware that the Christian teaching does not condone fornication. I respect Catholics who abstain from sex before marriage, in the same way that I do respect other Catholics who express their love for their partner in all dimensions i.e. emotionally, intellectually and sexually prior to marriage. This is not promiscuity. This is probably more a precaution taken before a lifetime plunge. If the non-abstainers say that their action is also based on their interpretation of God’s teaching which says “love one another”, who are we to say that their interpretation is wrong? They probably regard sex as the ultimate expression of their love for each other. And I will likewise respect them (as I do respect the abstainers) because they do not hurt another human being by their profession of faith.
Let me reiterate that I do not delight in any debate concerning religion. It is a useless exercise drawing out only personal feelings, opinions and biases. But I make an exception in your case because I feel that touching on the specific Catholic teaching you mentioned may subject this victim (Maricar) to being attacked even more by religious fanatics. Every fibre in my being tells me to help protect this victim from further hurt. It brings to mind the anger I felt when I saw a documentary on the stoning to death of a Middle-eastern couple who committed adultery. The couple were placed inside a sack before an angry crowd. The film, taken with an unsophisticated camera, was blurry but what oozed out of the sack with every stone thrown at it was, without a doubt, human blood. The villagers were shouting invectives and chanting verses of their faith as they cast stones at the couple until eventually the moaning inside the sack became muted. Dr Jj if you read tabloids, youtube, internet blogs or every other medium utilised by the majority of Filipinos, comments that humiliate and denigrate Maricar are being hurled at her left, right and centre. Some of these were written by Bible-mouthing people who felt it their moral duty to punish a ‘sinner’. Below are just some of the unedited verbal abuse thrown at her:
“Karma yan sa iyo Maricar. malandi ka kasi. natakot ka naman sana sa Diyos!”
“Maricar!!! Isa kang reyna ng kalandihan, saan mo natutunan yung mga porno moves mo?”
“Hayop ka talaga maricar! Kitang kita, halos close up yung kuha sa sex video!! If you think that time heals everything, in this particular case, NAGKAKAMALI KA! kasi ang Interenet ay forever, you have write to all those websites to have the sex videos removed! Eh mas mayaman sila sa inyo!!!
“excuse me hindi kailangan kaingitan ang gawain ng mga malibog na babae. d paman sila mag asawa sobra pa ang iginawagaw niya. maricar deserve this kasi malandi siya.mas malandi pa siya kay katrina.kahihiyan siya sa ateneo at PMA. dapat lumabas na siya. paano niya tatangapin 10-20 years from now mapanood ng anak niya ang sex video nya?”
“Lalong lalo dito, ikaw ang feature nila. All 3 of your sex videos are all posted on that website!! Full length, unedited!! Grabe talaga. Diyan ka na lang sa America, dollars pa ibabayad sayo ng mga pornography producers!! Soft and hardcore puede ka!!”
Have you also got strong convictions against these acts? Is it Christian to feel hatred for the abused, instead of empathy and compassion?
If you ask me, Dr Jj, it is not pre-marital sex between two consenting adults you should worry about, it is the judgmental, self-righteous and holier-than-thou attitude among our people that you should ask God for help. Because this narrow-minded sense of moral righteousness incites cruel actions; actions that are far more offensive, inhuman and un-Godly than the simple loving act of sex.
Sincerely yours –
Aila Lenard
AILA LENARD SENT IN THIS REPLY TO Dr Jj:
Dear Dr Jj –
Thank you for writing a comment sharing your religious convictions. As a former lecturer, I used to tell my students to exclude religion in any topic for debate. It is a subjective issue mostly based on the teachings of one’s church or on one’s interpretation of the Bible, seldom on reason. Faith hinges on religion but can we really validate religion? Who can say that one’s religion carries the absolute truth? Catholics frown upon polygamy, but in certain Islamic regions polygamy is practiced by their faithful. Can we rightfully say that polygamy is immoral just because our church forbids it? That’s a different case altogether you might argue, but I’d counter that like us Catholics, the practitioners of Islam are simply obeying their faith which is based on their interpretation of the Qur’an. In short, what I am really trying to say is that no one can argue with faith.
I am born a Catholic but I’d say the belief I subscribe to is based more on reason, fairness and kindness, rather than dogmas. I believe that there is a God above who is just. I do not condone promiscuity and senseless sex because these acts are bereft of thought and real feelings, but I do not have any problem with sex as an expression of strong emotion between two human beings who are not married to anyone else. This is the kind of sex that I saw on the video tapes of Maricar and partner. There are two people expressing their sexuality in private. I did not see multiple partners nor debasement of bodies on that tape. I saw physical and sexual familiarity. I saw two people selflessly gratifying each other’s sexual needs. I saw strong emotion. I even saw love.
I am aware that the Christian teaching does not condone fornication. I respect Catholics who abstain from sex before marriage, in the same way that I do respect other Catholics who express their love for their partner in all dimensions i.e. emotionally, intellectually and sexually prior to marriage. This is not promiscuity. This is probably more a precaution taken before a lifetime plunge. If the non-abstainers say that their action is also based on their interpretation of God’s teaching which says “love one another”, who are we to say that their interpretation is wrong? They probably regard sex as the ultimate expression of their love for each other. And I will likewise respect them (as I do respect the abstainers) because they do not hurt another human being by their profession of faith.
Let me reiterate that I do not delight in any debate concerning religion. It is a useless exercise drawing out only personal feelings, opinions and biases. But I make an exception in your case because I feel that touching on the specific Catholic teaching you mentioned may subject this victim (Maricar) to being attacked even more by religious fanatics. Every fibre in my being tells me to help protect this victim from further hurt. It brings to mind the anger I felt when I saw a documentary on the stoning to death of a Middle-eastern couple who committed adultery. The couple were placed inside a sack before an angry crowd. The film, taken with an unsophisticated camera, was blurry but what oozed out of the sack with every stone thrown at it was, without a doubt, human blood. The villagers were shouting invectives and chanting verses of their faith as they cast stones at the couple until eventually the moaning inside the sack became muted. Dr Jj if you read tabloids, youtube, internet blogs or every other medium utilised by the majority of Filipinos, comments that humiliate and denigrate Maricar are being hurled at her left, right and centre. Some of these were written by Bible-mouthing individuals who felt it their moral duty to punish a ‘sinner’. Below are just some of the unedited verbal abuse thrown at her:
“Karma yan sa iyo Maricar. malandi ka kasi. natakot ka naman sana sa Diyos!”
“Maricar!!! Isa kang reyna ng kalandihan, saan mo natutunan yung mga porno moves mo?”
“Hayop ka talaga maricar! Kitang kita, halos close up yung kuha sa sex video!! If you think that time heals everything, in this particular case, NAGKAKAMALI KA! kasi ang Interenet ay forever, you have write to all those websites to have the sex videos removed! Eh mas mayaman sila sa inyo!!!
“excuse me hindi kailangan kaingitan ang gawain ng mga malibog na babae. d paman sila mag asawa sobra pa ang iginawagaw niya. maricar deserve this kasi malandi siya.mas malandi pa siya kay katrina.kahihiyan siya sa ateneo at PMA. dapat lumabas na siya. paano niya tatangapin 10-20 years from now mapanood ng anak niya ang sex video nya?”
“Lalong lalo dito, ikaw ang feature nila. All 3 of your sex videos are all posted on that website!! Full length, unedited!! Grabe talaga. Diyan ka na lang sa America, dollars pa ibabayad sayo ng mga pornography producers!! Soft and hardcore puede ka!!”
Have you also got strong convictions against these acts? Is it Christian to feel hatred for the abused, instead of empathy and compassion?
If you ask me, it is not pre-marital sex between two consenting adults you should worry about, it is the judgmental, self-righteous and holier-than-thou attitude among our people that you should ask God for help. Because this narrow-minded sense of moral righteousness incites cruel actions; actions that are far more offensive, inhuman and un-Godly than the simple loving act of sex.
Sincerely yours –
Aila Lenard